We got it wrong, didn’t we? We talked about the vagina as if it was a single entity. But the whole system is actually chock-full of organs that are subterranean and wonderfully complex, with unpredictable weather patterns and a penchant for acting, well, salty. Like all beautiful things worth knowing, what you see ain’t what you get.
I’ve come to regard the vagina/vulva (and everything else that’s attached to and adjacent to it) as a bio/psycho/social entity. It is impacted by all three elements: our specific anatomy, our individual psychological and emotional makeup, and our personal relationship to the world we live in. But even that doesn’t completely describe the v/v’s power. What I now understand after almost 50 years with this thing is that it has its own innate intelligence. And it is fucking smart!
For example:
Monthly blood and tissue shoving its way out, stimulating a long list of cravings, moods, complaints and desires. Now more than ever, the v/v wants what it wants, shouting in a loud, proud voice. Don’t even try to ignore it, or there will be consequences.
Men rushing up to it, bringing with them a shitshow of requests, demands, actions and consequences. The vagina/vulva has opinions about each of them. Some men are great, and can show us things that we might not have known about the v/v. Some men’s idea of sex is lemme show you how my dick works, which makes the v/v roll its eyes (BTW: a lot has been written about dicks, by dicks. They’ve also written quite a bit about the v/v, but women haven’t, so here we are).
Doctors hovering over it, prodding and inspecting, reminding us of its vulnerability and also its miraculous abilities. Or attending to its insides, shepherding out a womb squatter, a tiny but significant blob of matter now safely neutralized. The v/v is relieved, and demands to be left alone for awhile. It heals itself beautifully.
As we age and enter perimenopause, the v/v gets even realer, throwing its own wicked, ongoing party that defies all previous expectations for its behavior. Who-hoo!
At this point I also believe that vagina/vulva is sensitive to others of its kind. Recently I interviewed the legendary 63-year-old sex-tech entrepreneur Cindy Gallop for Womancake Magazine. Cindy is the creator of Make Love Not Porn, and radiates a bold sexual fluency that is firmly grounded in v/v intelligence. As our Zoom chat progressed I swear I felt her v/v shouting at mine through the screen, imploring it to have more fun!
In any case, what I’m saying is that we all need to take the intelligence and power of the vagina/vulva MUCH more seriously. Up until this point I've been primarily addressing my fellow ciswomen, particularly those who sleep with men. Some evil shits in the political landscape continue to legislate away our right to choose what we can do with the womb section of our v/v’s. But remember, this issue is actually part of a larger mandate to control how all women use their bodies and make their choices. We are all vulnerable, including queer women, whose right to be queer is also on the chopping block. Transwomen are the most vulnerable among us, and deserve equal care and concern. For that matter, there are also trans men and non/binary people with fully-functioning v/vs’s that are also under threat.
The forces of opposition are serious, and it can be terribly intimidating to try and push back on them. The world feels, um, chaotic right now, and we’re tired out from the Covid era (still ongoing!), and it’s tempting to sink into apathy.
When I feel that way, I go for a walk in a crowded part of town. I find a densely packed street, and feel the people moving all around me as I walk. It helps me remember that every single human being on earth came out of a vagina/vulva.
It’s an ENORMOUS power.
That’s why they want so badly to control it. But we can’t let them.
So let’s double-down: join more pro-choice orgs, I like this one, this one and this one. Sign more petitions, make more calls, support more independent clinics. I especially love this one, which is the only Black-female led clinic of its kind in the whole country. You can also donate to a group of fantastic indie clinics across the nation here.
Don’t forget LGBTQ+ orgs! To find a good list, scroll a bit down this link. In my state I like this one.
Lastly, I don’t know about you, but there’s one activity in particular that my v/v just loves to do: VOTE! More elections are coming, so make sure you’re registered in your state, and help others register.
Control of our bodies is not inevitable. Regardless of how bad it looks right now, there are far more us than there are of them. Power feels good, if we use it in good ways. Not just for ourselves, but for the entire human race.
You can learn more about my work as a Power Voice Coach for Career Women here.
It’s free to sign up for Womancake Magazine here.